Fast Words. Slow Death.
A few months ago, I sat beside a subdued-looking gentleman at a seminar. He lamented the futility of an un-relentless job search over the past three months. And he described his struggle with failure and the acceptance of failure and loss.
It was one thing to acknowledge that he had failed to find a job; it was another to realize that three whole months had pass… and he had nothing to show for the time and effort spent in searching.
We were at a seminar where a considerable number of attendees would have already been sufficiently enlightened about the concept of failure (and why it’s not bad). So there was no need to belabor the meaning of failure.
Instead, I asked him — “If you had to describe the last three months of your life, and could not use the words ‘job search’, how would you do it?”
I saw his tensed brow wrinkle up in perplexity for a moment, and then suddenly disappeared. He seemed to have lightened up considerably as he described three months of learning, self-discovery, re-invention and unique experiences. In fact — he straightened up, and seemed to come alive as he described what was before, a tale of loss and failure.
It was an interesting experience — to see an almost immediate transformation in front of me. A ball of worry and dejectedness, turned into a glow of delight.
It wasn’t the ignoring of failure. It was the realization that nothing was lost, and the discovery that something was gained. By choosing to view his last three months as more than a ‘job search’, he got (very) present to how valuable and transformative those months had been to him.
The conversation was a revelation to me too — of the powerful influence that quick labels have over our lives (and by extension — our relationships and work).
We’re taught and trained, and perhaps consistently rewarded, to generate easy labels for people and events.
But we often fail to recognize — that these convenient labels can have a very significant impact on our perspectives. And our perspectives, are sometimes… everything we’ve got.
Practical Exercise: What are some ways you’ve conveniently labelled a significant phase in your life? And how would you describe it again, if you could not use that label you once used.
