How Do You Measure a Man Who Has Lost His Job?

Honoring the good men who are rebuilding life and identity in today's turbulent times...

I've been thinking about a devastating threat that men (husbands and fathers) in their 40's and 50's are facing today… And with that, an incredible opportunity for us to evolve.

(Note — it's a fairly long read; but I believe all men should read to the end. I rarely allow myself to be presumptuous about my writings… but this, I feel strongly about.)

Here's a very real problem that's only growing by the day…

Some men are losing jobs — suddenly, unexpectedly.

Not because they screwed up. But simply because those jobs are gone.

Nothing about them changed. They're as intelligent, competent, diligent and trustworthy today as they have been for the past 2-3 decades of their lives.

But with the loss of their job and income, their ability to provide for their wives and children is crippled.

What seemed like a life of success (a proven career, a good marriage, a family) suddenly looks like failure.

Why? Because without a job, the career history feels hollow; and without an income, the man's role as provider is harshly challenged.

And here's the irony… the best of us — the good men whose ultimate goal is to selflessly provide for their families — are the ones who take this much harder than those without dependents. So hard that many fall into depression.

But it doesn't have to be this way.

A man does not have to be measured primarily, and indefinitely, by his ability to provide financially.

And he shouldn't be. Not by others. Certainly not by himself.

Yes, I get it — money is important. Without money, there's no food on the table, no way to maintain the lifestyle your family deserves. But the problem with us men is that we've allowed ourselves to be measured solely by our earning power.

And so when that job or income disappears, we face an existential crisis that easily turns into depression. Not because the best of us refuse to deal with reality, but because the loss of identity is too overwhelming to bear.

So — what's the alternative?

Men (and the women and children in their lives) must recognize that the role of husband and father CAN evolve; and MUST evolve.

When it becomes hard to be a Provider, then be a Guide (helping navigate life's challenges), a Protector (creating emotional safety in turbulent times).

There is a whole spectrum of roles that wives and children need AND VALUE — especially when the family income is impacted. And let’s not forget the role of a Friend — that one man can be to another.

These roles matter. A man's very being, matters. A man's wisdom, their strength, their ability to hold the family together when everything feels uncertain — these are the measures of man.

The challenge isn't learning these roles. Most good husbands and fathers already know how to guide, protect, and support. 

The challenge is recognizing (and whole-heartedly accepting) that these contributions make you valuable, even when the paycheck stops coming.

That recognition can stop the downward spiral. And collectively, we need that to stop — so we can gather our wits and adapt in a world that's increasingly unpredictable.

I write this as much for myself as anyone, because economic disruption spares no one. 

But more so in honor of some good friends, and many good men — who face the very real challenge of piecing life and identity together, when their jobs are suddenly and unexpectedly taken away from them.